I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
