so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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