my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
