we're blogging at a bar
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
