The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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