Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
