When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
