I wannas sexs uuuuu
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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