Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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