sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
This baby is an asshole
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
