So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
