I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
