ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
it's like iHOP with fire
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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