i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
