So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
