i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
