She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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