Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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