update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
