My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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