"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
