So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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