haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
