I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
