we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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