His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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