I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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