I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
