I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
