i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
