Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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