my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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