Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
