your parents love me but you hate me
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
