Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
