I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
