I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
