I have demons in me.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
