Well apparently he's into motor boating.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
