I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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