Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
