hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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