They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
