I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
