Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
