Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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