After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
