I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
