sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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