you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
